 I am beginning to slowly exorcise my old and unused writing in an attempt to open up some space in my very crammed noggin. It's also forcing me to interrogate my old processes & reconsider a few things. So first up, here is 'Cunt', which was written a few years back, & has been edited several thousand times since then. I wrote this in response to Inga Muscio's 'Cunt: a declaration of independence' & because my mind was completely blown by how much inequality is nestled in our language. I have a lot more to say about this subject and this poem. However, this is my floofy blog where I am trying to keep things light-ish. My contact page is always open if you would like to send me any questions or some hate mail. File download is below. 
Bonjour, salut, guttentag, etc. Let's try this again shall we? The idea of a blog always seems attractive to me, when I think no one will read it--and I suppose I am in pretty safe hands here as I doubt very much that anyone is reading this. So whatevs - here I go. I have been on writing and creating hiatus for way too long now. I say hiatus, what I mean is that life has horrendously got in the way of everything and sucked out all of my ability to do anything other than go to my bullshit job everyday and be a nuisance on the interwebs and to myself. I feel like I am ready to crawl out from under my proverbial rock now. I took a big step and have arranged to begin hypnotherapy next week in an attempt to help navigate my intense imposter syndrome so I can get the fuck out of my way. Hopefully this new found energy and desire to get over myself will allow me to continue work on several projects that I have in process. Here is an overview, which you did not ask for:  A work in process art project The Heart is the Shadow of what is Hunted I actually did complete a poem from this series, which was graciously published in ZARF. This project is somewhat of a compulsive study into the language that I used in a lot of very self indulgent break-up and love poems from my younger self. It segues quite effortlessly into my other project; Necrophile Which is an exploration into nostalgia, desire, and our very human fixation on the past and how we all end up fucking our own dead memories. Obviously, I will refine this into something that doesn't sound like a slurred drunken anecdote. But this is my blog, so lay off. Both of these projects will comprise of mixed media and disciplines. I am hoping to create something tangible to be able to send out for consideration - or publish myself, as it is 2021 and so that is a thing.
Listen to the first album here: coldlandrecords.bandcamp.com/album/gravy-police ....
And then I guess the biggest project of mine, which is all consuming, painful, annoying and a necessity is getting myself out of the rut I have found myself in over the past two years. It is well acknowledged that I made a boo boo of a decision which resulted in the loss of my identity and sanity for a long time. I am not ungracious for this experience. It has taken me on a journey which I very much needed to be on. I am very humbled - even if it is the backbone of every difficulty I deal with lately. However, one annoying facet about me, or perhaps one of my strengths, is that I have unrelenting hope that there will be a brighter day, and I feel as though I am getting there--maybe. I have spent the past two years in a paralysing state of fear which has altered my approach to almost everything--writing has been a big one of them, as I just don't do it. Even writing this blog and being as obnoxious about it as I am is sending me into some horrible frenzy of imposter identity. But even if no one reads this. Even if you read this and judge me immensely. Even if you believe all the horrible things that I tell myself about myself everyday. Then whatever. (She says) So labamba out—I'm going to get ready for the job that I loathe with my entire meh-being and agonise over my next move. Stay amphibian my dudes.  I really am the worst at this whole blog/website thing.
So what has been occurring at the slug colony? I am very psyched to say that I will be performing at Datableeder FIVE in Canterbury on Wednesday 29th May—alongside Azad Ashim Sharma, Robert Kiely, Caspar Heinemann, Nancy Gaffield & Katrine Lynn Solvaag—which is pretty INSANE as ^^ these beans are fucking awesome. Really honoured to be among the bill. As well as doing a lot of self-healing & discovering that I'm actually NOT the worst person on the planet—I am exceptionally honoured to say that I have been doing some editorial work for Arc Publications' new & unfathomably important anthology I am Rohingya, which brings together sixteen new Rohingya poets, many still living in the camps, and will be the first collection of Rohingya poetry published in English. This book is the labour love of the exceptional James Byrne and Shehzar Doja, who I am immensely humbled to have worked with—even if my contribution to this book was teeny in comparison to the crucial work that these beans have been doing. You can pre-order I am Rohingya here. In support of the Rohingya cause the irreplaceable John Kinsella has written a gut-punch of a poem & statement over on his site, which can be accessed here, John's work & general approach to writing/life has been immeasurably important to my own writing, if you are unaware of him (which is BAFFLING to me) then please go & fall in love with him—thanks. My next bit of news is still reeling a little in my dusty toad skull—I have very recently joined the amazing team over at MAI: Feminism & Visual Culture as a Creative Editor. There is more to this announcement but I am keeping schtum about it until I can scream about the next phase of this. But it's exciting—trust. Until then I will continue to do a jaunty dance around my house. I AM WRITING Yes you heard that right. It's painful, consuming & a pain in the arse, but I am doing it & will have new work to perform at the aforementioned event—so come? Or don't. Over & out my dudes. Stay amphibian.  extract from '& She Says' first published in Blackbox Manifold, No.21, 2018. Really pleased to have made Blackbox Manifold the home for my poem '& She Says', after admiring the journal and tentatively putting off submitting work there for a few years!
You can read it, along with a great bunch of other poems by great people here. Also in the issue: Tessa Berring & Kathrine Sowerby, Iain Britton, Daniel Borzutzky, Imogen Cassels, Geraldine Clarkson, Jen Crawford, Christian Coppa & William Hall, James Dufficy, Daniel Elthringham, Gerrie Fellows, Calum Hazell, Katy Lewis Hood, Kimberly Campanello, David Lloyd, Kyle Lovell, Burgess Needle, Jac Nelson, Stuart Pickford, Esteban Rodriguez, Maria Sledmere, Don Thompson, Catherine Vidler, Dawn Watson, Ruth Wiggins, J. L. Williams and Theodore Worozbyt.  Very pleased to be in among such great company in the new issue of HVTN with a witchy piece I did in response to the Malleus Maleficarum. 🧙♀️🔮🌩️✨ Can't wait to read all of the other contributions, including some exciting new work from Amy Cutler. I fully recommend that you check out Terrence Abrahams' poem 'from mountain v field' & Amy Cutler's online feature for free through the link below - where you can also pick up your copy of the magazine. Read these pieces or buy your copy HERE. Also in this issue: Rodrigo Arteaga + Amy Cutler, Juliette Defrance + Serena Braida, Kira Zhigalina + Mischa Foster Poole, Terrence Abrahams, Sarah Cave, Sarah Dawson, Sophie Essex, Rose Hunter, L. Kiew, Julia Rose Lewis, Mallory Pearson, Flo Reynolds, Jake Reynolds, Vik Shirley, David Spittle, Alexandra Teague, Pınar Yaşar, Owen Vince.  extract from 'Diluere' first published in HVTN 4.2, 2018 So it's been a trip, but Reverb is coming to an end after it's 9th event. This last session has been co-organised with Dr Tasleem Shakur to seek awareness for the Rohingya refugees and I am immensely proud of how this has all come together. It's a great end to a great experience.  Amnesty International describes the Rohingya as “one of the most persecuted minorities in the world”. They have fled from Myanmar to neighbouring Bangladesh, with almost 60% of the refugees being children, who are all now being faced with deportation, even though they remain stateless, with uncertain futures. It has been observed that there has been very little awareness of this catastrophic human disaster in the Western world.
Following on from the success of Dr Shakur’s Festival of Ideas event, ‘Who are the New Boat People’, and coinciding exhibition from photojournalist Fojit Sheikh Babu, we have invited a collection of local artists to demonstrate some of the lost voices of the Rohingya. From transcribed folk songs, to translations of poems from the camps this will be a dynamic evening of music, poetry, art, film and discussion. This will be the first in a series of events around the UK which Taz and I will curate together. Speaking on his activism Taz said: “Rohingya refugees, particularly the women and children, need urgent and worldwide attention and support. The Rohingyas are experiencing torture, rape and genocide and I wanted to help raise awareness of this to help alleviate this desperate situation.” The event will feature performances from James Byrne, Dr Joaquín Cortés, Shehzar Doja, Francisco Carrasco, plus more. Speaking on the event, James Byrne said: “The systematic violence enacted on the Rohingya people is barbaric. How long must the refugee camps last? Each month I phone up a poet I work with in the camps and he has told me me how important art is a vital source of hope among a people who remain stateless and traumatised. I am presently editing a feature on Rohingya poetry for Modern Poetry in Translation. Events like this one at Reverb are crucial in raising further awareness so action will be taken. Nobody in the modern world should live like this, not least the Rohingya after what they have been through fleeing the brutal hands of the Tatmadaw.” Reverb 9: Raising the Voice of the Rohingya will be held at The Arts Centre on Monday 19th November at 7pm. The event is free and requires no booking. For the full line-up and more information about this event please visit the Reverb website. To learn more about the Rohingya and how to get involved, please visit: Friendship's non-governmental organisation.  Performing 'Little Breath' at Reverb Yes - wow, I actually wrote something new! Well, it's one of two poems I have written over the past year. The engine is revving & I'm slowly working myself back into it. So yes, new work - a poem that is forthcoming in Issue 2 of Guttural, which was originally written as the piece I performed with Ascend Silver Poison as part of April's Reverb. We're waiting on some audio files to mix into the recording of that performance, so if I can bear to hear my own drone-vocals then I will upload that onto here too. Check out Guttural on their site - they're doing some very exciting things & have already published some incredible people, I feel honoured to be included.
 Issue one of MAI: Feminism & Visual Culture was published earlier this week and it is FULL to the brim with awesomeness. I am thrilled, and honoured that the first issue features some of the artwork from my 'Blood Rhythms' project - which I will ACTUALLY start sorting out later this year now that I have decided to take another year before I shackle myself to my MA.
This journal is going to go from strength to strength & has been made with a lot of love - sweat and tears and I know it means an awful lot to the fabulous editors and each contributor - as well as a lot of feminists who deserve open access! Please check it out it features work from: Alva Gotby, Amber Jacobs, Amy McCauley, Ana Maria Sapountzi, Anna Backman Rogers, Anna Misiak, Catherine Grant, Gabriel Maher, Gloria Dawson, Hannah Hamad, Jazmine Linklater, Kate Lewis Hood, Lauren Elkin, Mairead Case, Mariah Larsson, Mary McGill, Mel Gibson, Neil Fox, Nia Davis, Oksana Kazmina, Patricia Prieto Blanco, Paulette Jonguitud, Rebecca Harrison, Rebecca Jones, Rebecca Louise Tiernan, Solomiya Moroz, Sophia Kier-Byfield, Tina Krekels, Tracy Piper-Wright and Yasmine Akim. The link is here MAI: ISSUE ONE experience & appreciate the work & then check out what these brilliant people are doing outside of the journal.
Read the rest @ https://www.datableedzine.com/jessica-tillings-issue-7
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